Rainy Day

ChikabaBoom!
That's how I describe the thunder.
Haha. I guess only him will understand this and laugh at me.

Today is a gloomy rainy Sunday.
The sky is so grey..
So me.

I didn't realised that actually we had made so many memories together.
When you lose him,
Then you get to realise those beautiful things.
Such precious memories.
I will treasure it deep down in my heart.

I told Wei Ting last night that I am confused also.
By the way,
I would like to thank you gal for accompanying me till sooooooooo late. =]
Well,
Am I really that confused?
No,
I don't think so.
YA,
I just realised I am still very firm!
HAHA.
I sounded so pathetic.

I gonna change.
No more mood swings and giving nonsense attitude.
All for the better!

Love is so hard to maintain.
Just like flying a kite.
If you pull too hard,
the string will snap.
If you pull too lightly,
the kite will fly away along with the wind.

If God will give us a chance again.
I will make sure that all these nonsense will never ever happen again.

But,
My trust..
For him...
Had also shattered.
Promises are really nothing.
It's so fragile.
Like love.

But I do believe..
If you add perseverance to the promise,
you can sure get to keep the promise.

I am happy there's one promise till now or even in the future that I will not break it.
I am sure that he knows what is it.

I really do wish
**** ** ** *** **** **** ******** ** **** ***** ** ***** ******* ******.

Fate 'O' Fate.
How mysterious you are.
You made me so excited,
you made me so sad.
You made me so eager,
and you made me so calm.
How wonderful you are.

I believe every meeting there's bound to have parting.
But there is parting so that there is to have a meeting again.

So I am not afraid of parting,
because I trust that there is a meeting again. =]
Whether of what we have become.

Life is so short.
I not going to crashed it again.

All the time I am thinking of what he is doing or where he is at.
Or whether is he thinking about me or not.
But the determination he had shown me is so great that,
my urges to know all this had creased.
Amazing.
Guess my determination became strong too.
Time will come.

I would like to thank all for your couraging advices.
I will be good.
Because I learnt it the first time.
So it came in handy for the second time now.
NO MORE THIRD TIME!


Oh ya.
I will pray for his dad to have a speedy recovery after his second operation on thursday.
I think he is in normal ward now.
May God bless you, Uncle.
Rest more ok.
Don't be so eager to get back to work.
Your body really do need a lot of rest after the major operation.
Take care.

It's a weekend!

Oh finally it's friday!
So 5 days of school days are already over.
Time really doesn't wait for anyone. =[
Year 3 is really a busy and a hectic year for me.
I wonder whether is it coincidence,
or unlucky for me that everytime when the year is important for me,
I get a shock of my life.
The previous time is Secondary 5,
while I was taking my 'O' levels.
Horrible horrible.
Such crucial time.
It happened again.

But well ,
that makes me grow up,
whether is it about the mistakes or experiences,
I take it all seriously and kept it in my mind and heart.

After the broke up,
I really do some serious thinking about our relationship,
my studies, my friends.
This really made me think hard.
Something is really wrong with me,
That I would actually get this the SECOND time.
Be it Karma or other things.
My mind seems to be clearer,
upon my actions.
This broke up lesson really cost me too much.
I have lost and gained something along the way.

I became more tactical towards things that I need to handle.

Even though it only happened a few days ago,
but I felt that was so long ago.
I have learnt so much.
I would like to thank you instead.

Thank you.

Think differently and the answers can turned out to be so much different.
Amazing.
Simplifed matters can be complicated,
while complicated matters can be just so.. simple.

Even though I would say let Nature take it's course,
but you still need a little effort to make things happen.
Somehow I became someone that thinks of taking one step at a time and
somehow he became me.
We switched.

How strange,
But people just keep changing.
I should have known.
All the while there are so many hintings that are already warning me,
I am blind afterall.
LOL.

I really don't know how things will turned out to be.
Only God knows.

For now I am seriously doing some reflections..
Trying to kill all the brain cells and squeezing all my brain juice.
If he don't appreciate me,
so be it.

Time will tell.
I believe.
How determined I am.
I will prove you dead wrong.

2nd Day..

Today is the second day since the incident break up..
I was trying my best to stay happy in school as today is my first day going to school.
Being in school do divert my attention for abit.
I thought that I am good today,
I wasn't crying anymore.
But I still end up crying while waiting for my next lab lesson.
Whatever I do, I see, I talk, I hear, I think, I feel, I miss...
It's all about..
Him.

Now the only thing that I enjoy is blogging.
Looking at all my past entries posts had made me feel that I am growing more and more matured.
More and more grown up.
The way I use words to express myself in the post are no longer the same.
People really do change all the time.
There's nothing you can trust.
Nothing.
Not promises.
Not vows.
There's really no guarantee to anything.
I am so confused..
All these might make me into depression.
Soon.
I blame myself.
For not being a good person,
a good girlfriend,
a guai girl girl.
Karma had hit me not once but twice.
I am so rotten.
I am confused upon love and overly dependent.
It connects,
But I also think that overly dependent also can be call as longing.
Everything is so connected till I really don't know what exactly it means anymore.

I couldn't sleep well last night.
I woke up 5 times.
on and off.
Even though I am feeling so tired.
Guess I am too stress out.
I didn't even dream.
I am a frequent dreamer.
You dream when you slept well.
But I guess I wouldn't have any dreams anytime soon.

I am surprised that I have lost weight about 2kg in just one single day.
Being too stressed and sad really do thin you down.
I am trying to eat.
For someone sake.
Trying.

I would like to thank all my those who has been showing me concern for these 2 days.
I really appreciated it alot.
You guys has given me many love and concern.
I am happy that I am actually wanted.
Thank-you again people.
=]

Will update soon.
Tommorrow maybe?

Reminiscence of our good 'O days.

I have read all the message history with him in my msn folder moments ago.
I was smiling and giggling unconsiously while reading through it.
It was such a sweet and bliss feeling that I could never describe it.
How nice to reminiscence of our past,
where there are little quarrels and happy moments.

But reality strikes me back again,
thinking that it's all in the past when I read his very current chat log with me.
Telling me all the things I couldn't believe.
I really wonder why it has come to this?
the final test,
had made me so afraid.
It have been such a long time since I feel so lonely and helpless.
Why promise me that you will not leave me though you couldn't do it?
I really don't know when my crying is going to stop.
When I think of the answer I gonna face I will shiver and fear.
More than butterflies and moths,
which is a big threat to me.
Everything seems like a illusions,
like nothing had happened before.
When my nightmare is gonna finish this time.
Help me.

Singlehood.

Singlehood.
Who will thought that this word will slammed right into my face again after 2 years plus.
I AM SINGLE YET COMPLICATED.
Today is the beginning of my school life.
I woke up, and I saw my ex asking for a TIME-OUT.
At first I was sleepy, I thought that I was dreaming.
But, it ain't a dream that I wish it to be.

I really really thought that we will be together forever.
Are we really taking things for granted,
so used to having each other in our lives?
I think I should question this problem to myself too.
But,
afterall I still longed for him.
Only him.

Fate had brought us together in the strangest way,
I am sure that he was fated to be mine,
he will come back to me after he has sorted out the answer.
So..
This could be the 3 months we will be totally ignoring each other.
OR.
This could be forever.

My eyes are so tired for crying around 7 hours or so.
Straight.
I always thought that I will be strong this time.
But I've failed.

This is killing me.
The time of waiting during these 3 months.
He told me to take care of myself.
But I guess I couldn't.

God please do not forsake me.
Please do not forget there is still a little child here under your wings.
Bless me will you?

I truly wait for the right day to come.
Don't give me any more shock.
Please, my heart couldn't tolerate it.

3 months of silence...
So devastating.
Yet so eager to know the answer.
In my small part of my heart,
I hope afterall he will choose me again.
But a big part of me says no way,
it's gonna be over...

I am so happy that I can blog to vent my sadness out.
Thing just went out of what you can grasp.

If this relationship has failed me,
I will not be able to pursue new love anymore.
I am so tired from it.
Don't shut my warm heart.


GOOD BYE MY LOVE.